Frustration.....

So much in my life is not going where I want it to go.
My handbag company is causing me stress and anxiety. Daily I work on handbooks, brochures, order forms, consultant training docs but I am so scared to get a damn bag made. I am scared because I did this once before with a friend and we had each other to rely on for support and to vent. I really don't have anyone to throw ideas off of. It is very lonely and scary. Scary in the sense that when a consultant signs up I know having been in Direct Sales many years before starting my own company 5 years ago that you put all your dreams into your business. You set out and book parties, recruit consultants and many times they quit for one reason or another. I don't want the consultants to quit I want them to see that this is a company that I care about them and I hope with my help I can help them achieve a goal no matter how big or how small it is.
This who weight loss thing is causing me stress to the next level. I wanted to be at goal by this summer yet the scale keeps going up. I thought of gastric bypass for so long went to seminars in VA on it. I just was scared of death! A friend had it in January and lost 89 lbs already. Another friend had it previously she did great but put on some weight again. Another had it and looks fabulous and no complications for any of them. Well the one has a iron issue but hell she is skinny! I used to love going to the gym and working out what happened to me????? So I talked to my mom and my husband and a friend about it. I looked up the horror stories on the internet and well damn it that scared me out of it again. But what is it going to take?
The couponing is going great that is one highlight in my life. I am saving money and that is a good thing. We found our dream house in a town close to here. I went to bed and was thinking anything is possible. I CAN get all this weight off. I CAN have that house even if it isn't tomorrow I will one day be able to afford a house like this. I CAN start this company and help men and women achieve his or her own goals. But damn it what is wrong with me??? Why can't I believe it not just think it?
I used to be happy go lucky Michelle where is she when is she coming back?